Rachel Rowland

Before I left London lots of the people I love kept saying to me “Look after yourself”. I knew exactly what they meant. I would have said the same thing to them if they were leaving. My interpretation was eat well, don’t try and do too much, get some rest, don’t stress yourself out needlessly, and be a bit selfish if you need to. That sort of thing. It’s simple really. And yet why is it so hard to do? For me the obstacle is myself. I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts since M

On the morning we left I woke early. I couldn’t handle the impact of my emotion. I felt strong but I needed to be alone to work out what to do with it. So I went to the bottom of the garden and wrote this message to myself: I am open. I am receptive to whatever this experience is. I will open myself within every little challenge to softly and gently allow the truth to evolve. I will watch it blossom. I will centre and strengthen myself around my true and wild soul. I will res

What an intense weight of emotion. It’s stinging my eyes, squeezing my chest, sitting heavy in my heart and weighing my face down. I am happy. I know I am. I feel calm on the inside. But my edges are frayed. My shell is worn thin. I’ve nothing left to fortify myself with. I have no choice but to do one small thing at a time. Go slowly. Take my time and look after myself. Deep breath. Focus on the calmness inside me. So that I have the capacity to look after the others who nee

Home is where the heart is. Right? Well my home has just been packed into 365 cubic feet of shipping cargo and 11 very large bags. And it’s hurting my heart. A few weeks ago I wrote about ambush goodbyes – the intense experience of realising that I won’t see someone again. When those last moments catch me by surprise they momentarily break me open with raw emotion. This week it wasn’t a person that broke me. It was my whole house. The reality that I wouldn’t be living in my h

Yesterday was a massive day. I didn’t realise it at the time, but today I can feel the impact. We sent our stuff for shipping. Our house is practically empty now. We have 3 beds, 1 sofa, and a table left to go into storage. And we have some toys, 2 mugs, a few plates and our clothes to take on the plane. With all of that stuff sent off onto the boat it feels like something seismic has just shifted. It reminds me of the massive area of ice I watched cleave from Greenland on th